Got up early again this morning. Not really by choice, our dog decided to bark at the sky and not hush for 15 minutes. For such a little dog she is really loud. By the time she was finished I was wide awake so I just went ahead and got out of bed, better than laying there trying to force myself to go back to sleep.
So the title of my post, I am amazed at what you forget even though it has only been three years since the last time I went through my first trimester. I forgot that what you enjoy eating right now may not be so enjoyable 10 or 15 minutes later. (Mental image: after eating running to the bathroom to wash my mouth out to get rid of the taste to kill the nausea.) I forgot that the extra saliva you have during the pregnancy can be a constant source of disgust and leave you wondering if you are going to be ill. Of course, from what I hear from other HG survivors this is common. There is an unnatural and crazy fear of being physically sick to your stomach. I would rather walk on broken glass than be sick to my stomach.
I forgot how tired you are at this stage in your pregnancy. Seriously I fall asleep at 6 or 7 o'clock every night. No matter how much I sleep I still feel exhausted at about that time, I will make a note for the doctor on Thursday. Maybe she can offer some suggestions. However, since this is pregnancy number four I pretty much can guess what she is going to say.
I totally forgot that my body would ache like I had the flu. Last week I complained to my husband about this thinking it was some other crazy illness springing up. My body aches in the joints, I feel like I am freezing cold and then the next day it is gone. Just another part of pregnancy insanity.
I also forgot how much love you feel for someone you have not even met yet. I have these moments of totally loving the little one, but then the fear sets in and I turn it off. I know that sounds strange, but anyone who has had miscarriages or suffered through HG understands this statement. There is a good amount of self preservation that you learn over time. Loving that little being can turn into something else if things go haywire. Praying is where I am at right now, and trying hard no to freak out and analyze every twinge or ache in my abdomen. I am trying not to run to the bathroom every 15 minutes to make sure I am not spotting. I am trying NOT to let this pregnancy turn me into a totally nut job before I get out of the first trimester.
Last night in bed (before I fell in to what I am loving calling my "pregnancy coma") I started to giggle. We just bought a bigger car. We had two cars that only held our three boys and us up until the first of this month. At the beginning of the month we started "looking" and decided we would wait until the end of the month to actually buy. We were out on one of or looking trips and happened to see the exact vehicle I had researched and fell in love with and it just happened to be a new model that only had 10,000 miles and it just happened to be priced below "Blue Book" value. We sat down with the salesman and he set us up, the paperwork was all done in a day and we went home with the car. At the time I was thinking this is great this will be plenty of room for the kids, little did I know that we would really need the extra room. Sometimes our plans get altered for a reason!
So with that being said I am not going to panic about our current living situation. I am not going to panic about the HG and worry that things are not going to work out. I am not going to go crazy thinking about all the details. Instead I am going to remember that before I knew I needed a plan, God was making my plan. I am going to remember that even when I feel out of control, there is always someone who knows more about the future than me and I can rest and be still in that knowledge.
So where am I today:
So the title of my post, I am amazed at what you forget even though it has only been three years since the last time I went through my first trimester. I forgot that what you enjoy eating right now may not be so enjoyable 10 or 15 minutes later. (Mental image: after eating running to the bathroom to wash my mouth out to get rid of the taste to kill the nausea.) I forgot that the extra saliva you have during the pregnancy can be a constant source of disgust and leave you wondering if you are going to be ill. Of course, from what I hear from other HG survivors this is common. There is an unnatural and crazy fear of being physically sick to your stomach. I would rather walk on broken glass than be sick to my stomach.
I forgot how tired you are at this stage in your pregnancy. Seriously I fall asleep at 6 or 7 o'clock every night. No matter how much I sleep I still feel exhausted at about that time, I will make a note for the doctor on Thursday. Maybe she can offer some suggestions. However, since this is pregnancy number four I pretty much can guess what she is going to say.
I totally forgot that my body would ache like I had the flu. Last week I complained to my husband about this thinking it was some other crazy illness springing up. My body aches in the joints, I feel like I am freezing cold and then the next day it is gone. Just another part of pregnancy insanity.
I also forgot how much love you feel for someone you have not even met yet. I have these moments of totally loving the little one, but then the fear sets in and I turn it off. I know that sounds strange, but anyone who has had miscarriages or suffered through HG understands this statement. There is a good amount of self preservation that you learn over time. Loving that little being can turn into something else if things go haywire. Praying is where I am at right now, and trying hard no to freak out and analyze every twinge or ache in my abdomen. I am trying not to run to the bathroom every 15 minutes to make sure I am not spotting. I am trying NOT to let this pregnancy turn me into a totally nut job before I get out of the first trimester.
Last night in bed (before I fell in to what I am loving calling my "pregnancy coma") I started to giggle. We just bought a bigger car. We had two cars that only held our three boys and us up until the first of this month. At the beginning of the month we started "looking" and decided we would wait until the end of the month to actually buy. We were out on one of or looking trips and happened to see the exact vehicle I had researched and fell in love with and it just happened to be a new model that only had 10,000 miles and it just happened to be priced below "Blue Book" value. We sat down with the salesman and he set us up, the paperwork was all done in a day and we went home with the car. At the time I was thinking this is great this will be plenty of room for the kids, little did I know that we would really need the extra room. Sometimes our plans get altered for a reason!
So with that being said I am not going to panic about our current living situation. I am not going to panic about the HG and worry that things are not going to work out. I am not going to go crazy thinking about all the details. Instead I am going to remember that before I knew I needed a plan, God was making my plan. I am going to remember that even when I feel out of control, there is always someone who knows more about the future than me and I can rest and be still in that knowledge.
So where am I today:
- I am 6 weeks and 6 days pregnant...
- I am dealing with normal nausea (well for pregnancy) and not currently having HG symptoms
- I am putting my heart at rest and letting God lead (cause really at this point, there is nothing else for me to do)
- I am working on my plan for when/if I fall down the HG hole
- I am trying to remember that I am NOT going to be a nut job and panic over everything...please not the word trying
- Lastly I am trying to let other people who love me support me and not take to heart the things other people who are less supportive have said...
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